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RELATIONSHIP SATISFIED AND MARRIAGE EXPECTATION
15/11/2021

 

Humans are social beings. Accordingly, being in close relationships adds meaning to an individual's life and meets their physical and emotional needs. Parental relations, sibling relations, friend relations and peer relations fall under this heading, while romantic relationships that contain feelings of love and love also fall under the title of close relationships. Romantic relationships are a step taken by individuals who have characteristics such as attachment, belonging, emotional support, on the way to marriage, where they can realize physical, spiritual and mental union. It also includes periods such as verbalism and engagement, which allow the partners to get to know each other and evaluate their agreement with each other, with personal, social and legal opportunities. Following the engagement and engagement periods, the process is expected to reach marriage. Romantic relationships contribute to individuals in terms of their social development, being in harmony with the environment, providing material and moral satisfaction, and being aware of their responsibilities in life.

It is thought that the continuity of romantic relationships is related to getting satisfaction from the relationship. Individuals who are satisfied with their relationships can have longer-term relationships. Relationship satisfaction is the sum of the emotions, thoughts and behaviors that express the individual's evaluation of the quality of the relationship. If these evaluations are positive, it means that satisfaction is obtained from the relationship, and if it is negative, it means that satisfaction is not obtained. It can be concluded that it is important for couples to be satisfied with their close relationships for a sustainable healthy relationship. Relationship satisfaction is related to the variables of expectations about marriage, attitudes towards marriage and attachment styles.

Marriage expectation is explained as individuals' dreams of seeing themselves as a couple in their marriage. Expectations include the beliefs of the couples towards marriage and the roles they will assume in their married life. Marriage expectations of couples are predictors of relationship quality and relationship satisfaction. Unrealistic expectations for marriage may lead to dissatisfaction in the romantic relationship. It is known that the increase in divorce rates is associated with the inability of individuals to be satisfied with their marital life, and unrealistic expectations lie at the root of this dissatisfaction. High expectations for marriage lead to unhappiness in relationships. Individuals' attitudes, opinions and feelings towards marriage at the stage of marriage decision have effects on the satisfaction they will get from the relationship and the success of the marriage relationship.

Romantic relationship is a type of close relationship and expresses the bond established between two people, love. One of the most important factors that ensures the continuity of a romantic relationship is relationship satisfaction. Relationship satisfaction; It is explained by definitions such as continuity, quality and harmony in a romantic relationship, positive feelings about the relationship, and the absence of any dissatisfaction in the relationship. It is a psychological satisfaction obtained by the love that the partners show to each other in a romantic relationship, meeting the needs mutually, and sharing positive and negative relationship experiences. A high level of relationship satisfaction causes constructive reactions to any problem in relationships, while a decrease in relationship satisfaction leads to destructive reactions. If the satisfaction obtained from a relationship is high, the commitment in the relationship is high; It is known that if the satisfaction obtained from the relationship is low, the level of abandonment and ignoring increases.

It is stated that the empathetic approaches of the couples towards each other increase the relationship satisfaction. It is known that individuals with problem-solving skills are more satisfied with their relationships. Depressive attitudes reduce relationship satisfaction.

Compared to those who flirt, verbal and engaged individuals are more satisfied with their relationships. In this case, being engaged or verbal may indicate that the bond between the partners is stronger.

When we look at the concepts that basically affect attitudes towards marriage, family attitudes, age, gender and economic variables, living together outside of marriage, religion and education can be mentioned. The ongoing change in the institution of marriage affects the plans and attitudes of individuals towards marriage and establishing a family. Perspective on marriage, thoughts and views on marriage can be defined as attitudes towards marriage.Marriage attitude is related to individuals' expectations from marriage, the meanings they attribute to marriage and future family relationships.

Decisions taken before marriage completely affect human life. Failure to meet the expectations of individuals about harmony after marriage can lead to divorce and affect their life satisfaction. This makes it important to understand the marriage attitudes of individuals before marriage takes place. Attitudes and expectations about the relationship can be counted as important factors that affect the sustainability of the relationship and the decisions to be taken about the relationship. Positive and negative attitudes towards marriage; Relationship satisfaction can affect subsequent behaviors such as beliefs about relationships, marriage decisions, and behavior patterns adopted in the relationship. Positive attitudes include positive beliefs about marriage and family life, and negative attitudes include negative beliefs about marriage and family life.

The positive and negative attitudes of individuals on the subject of marriage, their beliefs about relationships, and the way they behave in their relationships affect the behaviors and decisions of individuals regarding marriage.Positive marriage attitudes increase the efforts of individuals to maintain their personal relationships and shape their behaviors in this direction. It can be thought that attitudes towards marriage also include attitudes towards mate selection. High expectations, unrealistic beliefs and attitudes formed in line with the wrong conclusions drawn from past experiences can be reflected in the mate selection process and lead individuals to seek an "ideal partner". Unrealistic beliefs and high expectations reduce the harmony in the marital relationship.

Gender differences affect attitudes towards marriage. It is emphasized that women look at marriage more realistically than men.

Expectation can be defined as what is expected and hoped to happen. Interpersonal relationships are based on mutual expectations. It can be seen as a remarkable situation that the expectations of the spouses from each other are clear in the institution of marriage.Individuals have expectations from their partners on many issues such as parenting, friendship, sexuality, intimacy and equality. In the marital relationship, especially individuals whose emotional needs are met find marriage more meaningful and want to continue it. Individuals are expected to be emotionally and personally satisfied with the marital relationship. As a result, the expectations of the couples have an impact on the quality and duration of the marriage.

Couples who have different expectations for the relationship begin to move away from each other over time. When relationships and expectations are incompatible, individuals feel dissatisfied. Unmet expectations can reveal the possibility of divorce. It is difficult to meet high and unrealistic expectations regarding marriage, and if they are not met, it causes unhappiness in the relationship. It is known that couples who have realistic thoughts about marriage can cope more effectively with the problems they face in their marriage.

Individuals shape the way they communicate, their behavior in the face of an event, and their expectations for the people they are in contact with through their own family life. The relationship status of their parents is effective in the expectations of individuals regarding their marriage. Individuals with parents with negative marital relationships lower their expectations in order to minimize possible disappointments in their own marriage. Individuals whose parents are together have positive marriage expectations. Individuals whose parents are separated have negative marriage expectations.

Recommendations for These Processes

In order to ensure the continuity of the romantic relationship of the individual in a healthy way; Knowing the attitudes and expectations towards marriage, being aware of the attachment style and getting rid of its undesirable effects can be beneficial.

Raising awareness about attitudes and expectations towards marriage can be beneficial in terms of making the right decisions about marriage in the pre-marital period.

It is important for individuals who are in a romantic relationship before marriage to know how much they are satisfied with their relationships and to recognize the variables that affect their relationship satisfaction, in terms of affecting the quality of their relationships.

Couple and family counselors can provide appropriate service to their clients depending on the fact that their relationship satisfaction is affected by the independent variables in the research (marriage expectation, avoidant attachment).

They provide individual psychological counseling services that aim to understand the extent to which individuals are satisfied with their relationships, the factors that predict their satisfaction from their relationships, and to see how this satisfaction affects the quality of the relationship.

It is possible to contribute to the awareness of individuals in pre-marital periods by including free seminars and conferences and educational and informative studies on the predictors of relationship satisfaction; can be maintained, and they can be supported to establish a healthy and satisfying relationship.

REFERENCES

Alavi M., Alahdad R., Shafeq S.M., 2014. Mate selection criteria among postgraduate students in Malaysia. Procedia-Social and Behavioral Sciences. 116, pp. 5075- 5080.

Amato, P. R., 2007. Transformative processes in marriage: Some thoughts from a sociologist. Journal of Marriage and Family. 69 (2), pp. 305-309.

Eidelson, R.J., & Epstein, N., 1982. Cognition and relationship maladjustment: Development of a measure of dysfunctional relationship beliefs. Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology. 50 (5), pp. 715-720.

Grant, J., 2000. Women managers and the gendered construction of personal relationships. Journal of Family Issues. 21 (8), pp. 963-985.

Hendrick, S. S., Hendrick, C. & Adler, N. L., 1988. Romantic relationships: Love, satisfaction, and staying together. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology. 54, pp. 980-988.

Krich, Dr.M.A., 2005. Aşkın anatomisi. İstanbul: Say Yayınları.

Park, S. S., & Rosén, L. A., 2013. The marital scales: measurement of intent, attitudes, and aspects regarding marital relationships. Journal of Divorce & Remarriage. 54 (4), pp. 295-312.

Towler, A. J. & Stuhlmacher, A.F., 2013. Attachment styles, relationship satisfaction and well-being in working women. The Journal of Social Psychology. 153 (3), pp. 279-298.

 

Clinical Psychologist Hatice Büşra KARA

busra.kara@icloud.com



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